Who is living a Torahdik life now?

Arthur Miller is said to have written Death of a Saleman as his answer to a bet or a dare that a true American tragedy could not be written. I do not know if Death of a Salesman fit the requirements of a tragedy or not, but I know that what is happening to Rabbi Alan Stadtmauer in the name of Torah Judaism is certainly a tragedy.

I am appalled, but not surprrised that Rabbi Stadtmauer thought it necessary to not only leave his post as Principal of a NY yeshiva high school before coming out, but that he left an observant lifestyle. I am only slightly appalled at Rabbi Stadtmauer. I am far more appalled at his community.

This is not to say that I am in any way surprised that he felt it necessary to leave his community. Many gay and lesbian Jews have been taught that a frum lifestyle is incompatable with living as an out gay person. While I have been out for almost 20 years and I have been frum for more than 10, I would never say that it is easy. For about the first 5 years or so, I would say that I got more garbage from the gay community for being a frum Jew, than I got from the Jewish community for being gay. I no longer say that, because I have had to put up with a lot more garbage from the Jewish community. Of course, the Conservative and other movement shuls are always delighted to have me (I feel a lot like Groucho Marx, not wanting to join the club that would have me as a member.), but I am not interested in eating at the home of people who do not keep kosher to the standards I do or who think that the Torah was a human document, etc.

I do not blame Rabbi Stadtmauer for leaving frumkiet. Despite all the "rabbis' stories" about people being visited by angels because they kept Shabbos on a desert island and sang all of the Shabbos z'meriot (songs) alone; it is very difficult to do. I have more than once been invited to a shul only to find myself at kiddush being studiously ignored. "Don't look at the Pink Elephant children, if you ignore her long enough, she might go away." Now, I could understand their attitude if I were say an embezzeler (we had one in Jewish community here, no one made them feel uncomfortable in shul), or an adulterer, or had committed some other sin. My only "sin" has been that I am the victim of lashon hara (gossip, the eveil tongue)*.

But back to Rabbi Stadtmauer. It is a shanda (embarrassment) that the Jewish community should make anyone feel unwelcome (especially during the month of Elul), but to ostercize a Rabbi, someone you used to respect! Well, that takes chutzpah. The frum community needs to remember that just because he is gay, does not mean that he is committing averiot (sins). Certain acts are averiot, not states of being.

To be continued...

*If you are incline to write me and tell me that if I am in fact a lesbian than it is not lashon hara to spread that news around town, then you are sadly mistaken. Lashon Hara is when you spread gossip that is true! Motzei Shem Ra is when you spread gossip that is not true.